The Deez

It's sad to have to admit this, but Diesel is dying.

There's no way to say it other than being perfectly blunt. She's been very sick lately, and after more testing, we found that she now has cancer on her spleen, and there is quite literally nothing that can be done about it. At this point, my parents are just trying to make her as comfortable as possible for as long as possible.

I remember standing in the parking lot at Holy Cross High when we first met her. I kept turning to my parents and saying, "Her, we're getting her!" Over and over again, while my dad tried to ask the "pertinent questions." But I knew she was the coolest little puppy I had seen. By that night, they agreed, and we picked Diesel up on Wednesday evening that week. I remember driving with her on my lap all the way to my ballet class.

From that time, Diesel spent countless nights snuggling with me in bed, sleeping on top of my feet on cold winter nights, keeping me safe and warm. Not having her around was a hard adjustment in college, not one I think I've ever admitted to people. You don't go from spending night after night with someone to not seeing them for months at a time without it being a strange adjustment.

It broke my heart not to take Diesel with us when the Guy and I got married, but we knew it was the right thing to do. Every time we visit my parents (which is a lot), upon first sight of Diesel, my heart breaks a little. She's gotten old in the last 13 years. It's hard to miss the signs of that. It's even harder as I look at her Christmas ornament from her very first Christmas with us all those years ago, and I see how tiny she was (and not to mention how she had two eyes).

She's been my friend for so long, and I don't really know how to say goodbye to her. She's been a very surprising dog, and she deserves all the love we can muster for her in these few days, weeks, months we have left with her.